Update Jimmyboy 7/17/05 by Jim and Gina

[ja3kfd 34]

Dear Everyone

I do not know what to say or how to say it, So here goes , my heart is broken, I feel like I have no control over anything, I want to give up I want to quit, I can not stand to see him looking like this anymore, I love him so much, I feel so guilty I always said What will I do if anything Happens To him? I have been fighting and doing so much thinking and praying, to keep him strong and fighting so hard move forward, do not look back be positive and I try so hard to be and I always want to smile I sit here so emotionally drained I can not stand it anymore I want to run away and never look back. He doesn't speak to us anymore he sometimes smiles, at his sisters but not at me. I LOVE MY SON , I do not want to do this anymore, He is my baby boy he is always so gentle, always so loving did he learn that from me? I do not know what to do any more. I want to beat this. I want to keep him here with me, I go and hold him I sit with him I thank him for everything. He is my hero. I do not know what the outcome will be but he has been such an inspiration to me. He is an Angel, Thank You God for giving Him to me, I love my Boy, it hurts me so much to see him like this. Did he learn to be so soft and gentle or is that something else he is teaching me. Was he born with that attribute? He is so different, thinking back he was so behaved and good at least I can not remember him being mean. When he got the puppy I remember how happy and soft he was with her. The singing WHUD and weather was always cute and sounded so good.Oh what would I do without these memories and that sparkling face. When I find or come across Pictures of Him it warms my heart but than it goes to pain because I want to see him like that now. I WANT MY BABY BOY BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can still feel the excitement in Gina's voice when she called me over the town radio to tell me that we were having a boy, the joy I had in holding him, cutting the cord than I remember standing at the window looking outside and crying just like I am now. Those were tears of joy and happiness, today's are of anguish and pain, I can not do anymore than what we have done and are doing. It is in God's hands now.

I never thought I could get thru anything like this, but I seem to be doing it, I need to Thank You for letting me write this and letting me cry thru this. I have to get it out and move forward there are too many people that need me and count on me. As well there is many people that I can turn to too talk and help me get thru all this, but I need to talk to Gina at some point and cry with her and make sure she is doing okay. I worry about her so much, but she is so strong in her own ways, she deserves a lot more credit than she gets. The girls seem to be doing good as well, though we feel so drained and stuff. Emma can not get everything she needs from us, and I feel it shows. I try to give her as much attention as I can but she seems to want it all. It really is amazing how well our children have dealt with this. They will be and are better people because of it.

Thanks for listening, Jim

It has been very hard here this past week. Jimboy is having a lot of tough moments. We are very scared, but continue to be strong as best as possible. The despair is incredible. Although, our boy looks better today, this is the most difficult thing we will ever face (I think). Jim's words said it perfectly. There are sooo many beautiful memories. We love this child so incredibly. It is so painful to be a part of this. I remember wondering how parents do it. How do they have such an ill child? I would always praise their strength and admire their courage. I am not feeling too courageous right now. I remember all the things Jim just wrote about. I remember the moment he was born, and the total disbelief of having a son. I remember consciously trying not to spoil him because he was the son. He was never spoiled. His pure love for all of us is amazing. He is such a gentle, loving child. Thank you God for sharing him with us. We will continue to pray for that miracle and hold onto that love.

We both had a good cry today. We needed that. As for an update on prognosis, we are going on a miracle. That should explain it, and we will take one. We have had many experiences, religiously, in the past two weeks that have been so beautiful. God is close and holding our every step. Miracles happen, and a lot of people are praying for one for our Jimboy. Keep praying hard. We love and thank you all.

You are all so special.

May God Bless You and Your Family Always, Gina

[x635 4,066]

Very touching and well written Jim.

Sometimes events like this make me wonder what purpose God has for us all. And it only leads me to believe that there really is a higher purpose for all our beings.

The support from us, whatever you may need, remains bottomless. We will always be there for you guys.

Our thoughts and prayers remain strong with you our friend and brother.

[John Meeker Jr 0]

Keep remembering his smile and keep praying to see it again. I am praying for you and Jimmy and your whole family. It is beautiful the love you see in Jimmy. Hold Tight to the Love.