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Strange developments in ALS

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In a dispatch from Possum County.... all names have been changed to protect the guilty.....The new ALS contract in Possum County got off to a rocky start when the new fly cars unintentionally came equipped with heated leather seats and a really awesome sound system. The first sign of trouble came when a fly car did not return to station for shift change and the medic did not answer her phone. Fears of foul play proved unfounded when the vehicle locator showed was it parked behind the station where authorities found the vehicle, medic inside, fully reclined on heated leather with Led Zeppelin playing on the radio way too loud.

At first the medic, Margaret Snakely, appeared unresponsive but in fact was alert, combative and refused to relinquish the vehicle. A critical incident team was deployed to the scene as was her husband and dog, to no avail. She refused to leave the vehicle. The situation was resolved by a quick thinking dispatcher who sent the medic to a ficticous call for a child choking. When the medic exited the vehicle to render care, they got the keys. A Sheriff's Officer suffered minor burns when he contacted the medic's backside."That Snakely is one hot medic" he said.

When asked to comment on the incident, management said that events were totally unanticipated but part of any new contract. They blamed the supervisor for not seeing it coming. Fellow medics were more sanguine about events. "It's a high stress job, you never know what's out there, 4 hours on heated leather and a rocking sound system... she just couldn't cope, it might have happened to any of us."

The vehicles in question were due to be sent to headquarters to have the problem corrected, but at end of the next shift another vehicle went missing. This time the vehicle locator was left at the station. Responding to these new developments, management said, "Well, medics are highly intelligent and have to adapt to changing situations. We're on it. We're watching the hospitals, but apparently medics are taking patients out of region to avoid detection." "They're, crafty, but creatures of comfort," he added, "We're also watching the deli's, eventually they'll come back for food. "

The county coordinator put a positive spin on things. "Medics aren't leaving the vehicles, so response times are excellent. We do have some reports of medics not wanting to get out of vehicles on scene, however." He went on to make the case for a county run system. "If we had a municipal system in place this wouldn't have happened. No way would they have gotten decent vehicles if ALS were county run."

When asked what will happen next, authorities urged patience. "This is just a few rogue medics with comfort issues. Oncoming medics are as upset as we are, so self policing is our best option." At least the situation will resolve itself by spring. Management added, "It's lessons learned, we'll definitely get the air conditioning taken out before summer."

If you think you've encountered a medic with hot leather seats on a call, authorities urge caution. Under no circumstances get into the fly car, push back the seat and crank the stereo. "If you're not prepared, it can blow you away." Not only that, "Heat addicted medics can be very territorial. If you get between them and their vehicles, they may become aggressive and beat the snot out of you. But not to worry, once you bleed profusely, their professional instincts kick in and they will render aid...excellent response times, too."

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In a dispatch from Possum County.... all names have been changed to protect the guilty.....The new ALS contract in Possum County got off to a rocky start when the new fly cars unintentionally came equipped with heated leather seats and a really awesome sound system. The first sign of trouble came when a fly car did not return to station for shift change and the medic did not answer her phone. Fears of foul play proved unfounded when the vehicle locator showed was it parked behind the station where authorities found the vehicle, medic inside, fully reclined on heated leather with Led Zeppelin playing on the radio way too loud.

At first the medic, Margaret Snakely, appeared unresponsive but in fact was alert, combative and refused to relinquish the vehicle. A critical incident team was deployed to the scene as was her husband and dog, to no avail. She refused to leave the vehicle. The situation was resolved by a quick thinking dispatcher who sent the medic to a ficticous call for a child choking. When the medic exited the vehicle to render care, they got the keys. A Sheriff's Officer suffered minor burns when he contacted the medic's backside."That Snakely is one hot medic" he said.

When asked to comment on the incident, management said that events were totally unanticipated but part of any new contract. They blamed the supervisor for not seeing it coming. Fellow medics were more sanguine about events. "It's a high stress job, you never know what's out there, 4 hours on heated leather and a rocking sound system... she just couldn't cope, it might have happened to any of us."

The vehicles in question were due to be sent to headquarters to have the problem corrected, but at end of the next shift another vehicle went missing. This time the vehicle locator was left at the station. Responding to these new developments, management said, "Well, medics are highly intelligent and have to adapt to changing situations. We're on it. We're watching the hospitals, but apparently medics are taking patients out of region to avoid detection." "They're, crafty, but creatures of comfort," he added, "We're also watching the deli's, eventually they'll come back for food. "

The county coordinator put a positive spin on things. "Medics aren't leaving the vehicles, so response times are excellent. We do have some reports of medics not wanting to get out of vehicles on scene, however." He went on to make the case for a county run system. "If we had a municipal system in place this wouldn't have happened. No way would they have gotten decent vehicles if ALS were county run."

When asked what will happen next, authorities urged patience. "This is just a few rogue medics with comfort issues. Oncoming medics are as upset as we are, so self policing is our best option." At least the situation will resolve itself by spring. Management added, "It's lessons learned, we'll definitely get the air conditioning taken out before summer."

If you think you've encountered a medic with hot leather seats on a call, authorities urge caution. Under no circumstances get into the fly car, push back the seat and crank the stereo. "If you're not prepared, it can blow you away." Not only that, "Heat addicted medics can be very territorial. If you get between them and their vehicles, they may become aggressive and beat the snot out of you. But not to worry, once you bleed profusely, their professional instincts kick in and they will render aid...excellent response times, too."

That's hysterical, But I hope something like this really didn't happen!

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