You Know You’ve Been a Dispatcher too long...

[JBE 328]

Sent to me by my sister last week

You Know You’ve Been a Dispatcher

Too Long When…

- You answer your home phone, “9-1-1, where’s your emergency?”

- You spend more on fast food than utilities.

- You see nothing wrong with eating a Taco Bell Grande Meal or pizza at 3 a.m.

- You consider coffee an indispensable work tool.

- The only thing that gets your adrenaline going is the walk to and from your car.

- You find humor in other people’s misery.

- You’re only happy if you have something to complain about.

- You consider patience a weakness, not a virtue.

- Your idea of a good night involves someone getting shot, chased, or dismembered.

- You have forgotten what it is like to actually eat a warm meal.

- You think it’s funny when a would-be suicide gets bored waiting for the gas from the stove to do it’s thing and lights a cigarette to pass the time, resulting in an explosion that leaves her neighbors homeless, but she still survives.

- You truly believe stupidity should be painful.

- If an officer screams over the radio that a nuclear bomb has just detonated, you just ask the “20” (locations) of the mushroom cloud and assign it a case number.

- Dinner consists of a bottle of soda and whatever you can scrounge out of the vending machine.

- Antacid tablets, or better known as dispatcher candy, become your regular desert.

- You watch media accounts of a major incident that occurred during your shift and can point out all the incorrect information…and laugh about it.

- Family members comment about how nice you “used” to be before you started this job.

- You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control over certain parts of your city.

- You have no idea what a holiday is, other than it’s that day where everyone gets drunk, beats up their family members, and/or kills themselves.

- You can carry on more than 4 conversations simultaneously.

- You have the bladder capacity of a tanker truck or of a small third world army.

- You can resume a conversation with coworkers 4 hours later, in mid-sentence, and everyone knows what you’re talking about.

- You have a long-term telephonic relationship with one or more paranoid schizophrenic that you know by name.

- You inform your teenager, “I will always know”.

- You get impatient listening to people relate a story – you “just want the facts”.

- You believe that 90% of people can’t use a phone book. - You get easily bored with happy, content people.

- You have perfected the phrase, “I pay taxes, too”.

- You can give directions to any location in your city off the top of your head.

- You believe the statement, “it sure is quiet”, will bring the wrath of God upon you.

- Your friends and neighbors call for legal advice.

- You know the phone number of every restaurant or business that delivers food in your city, especially late at night.

- You spell everything phonetically.

- You can only tell time on a 24-hour clock.

- You acknowledge your friends and family’s remarks with the time.

- You live in fear of a full moon.

- You respond faster to the name “Dispatch” than you do your own.

- You find yourself talking to family and friends in codes.

- You have a tendency to giggle at your friends “big” problems.

- You respond 10-4 when told to pull around to the first window at a fast food restaurant.

I'm pretty sure there's a few of you out there who could add to this.

[firemoose827 324]

Thats funny brother!! Good list, I laughed the entire time I read it. Is your sister a dispatcher or did she get that from a cartoon or joke book somewhere?

Great Stuff!!

[x242Steve 1]

All true! My favorite being:

- You have a long-term telephonic relationship with one or more paranoid schizophrenic that you know by name.

I recently suggested we invite a few of the "regulars" to our squad's holiday party

[JBE 328]

Thats funny brother!! Good list, I laughed the entire time I read it. Is your sister a dispatcher or did she get that from a cartoon or joke book somewhere?

Great Stuff!!

I'm not sure where she got it from. She's in the insurance business, actually. Only me and my brother are on "the job", so to speak.

[IzzyEng4 427]

You forgot one....

You can do the job better from the dispatch center than the guys out in the field!!! LOL

Your post is soooo true, now I'm only part-time!

[Remember585 815]

Antacid tablets, or better known as dispatcher candy, become your regular desert.

REAL dispatchers actually snort their antacids....just ask 20Truck!

You can add everything ends in "K" to that list.

Been a dispatcher in one capacity or another for almost eight years, and sadly 3/4 of that list rings true to me.

Thanks for the laughs!

[AFS1970 504]

Hey, I don't even drink coffee...lol