Signs You Might Be A Redneck...

[RWC130 594]

Signs You Might Be A Redneck...

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

You own a homemade fur coat.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think genitalia is an Italian airline.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife

[Guest DFFD227]

Since we are talking about Rednecks...I couldn't resist...

You might be on a redneck fire department if...

Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.

You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.

Your firehouse has wheels.

You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.

Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.

You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire.

That outhouse fire was with entrapment.

You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.

At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.

Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.

You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.

You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.

Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.

Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.

Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.

Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.

The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.

You've ever referred to a light bar as sexy.

Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.

You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.

Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.

Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.

The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted in the cab.

You return from a fire with more junk than you arrived with.

The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap.

You have tobacco spit stains on the side off your engines

[DMA327 12]

That last comment is DIRT!!!!!

[WAS967 97]

You might be a redneck Fire Department if some drunkard steals your fire truck and gets it stuck in the mud:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c...BAGVH9NFEC1.DTL

SONOMA COUNTY

Stuck, with stolen fire truck, man finishes binge in the mud

Janine DeFao, Chronicle Staff Writer

Sunday, November 7, 2004

When Claud Gipson-Reynolds got his fire truck stuck in the mud along a rural

Sonoma County road Friday, he did what anyone would naturally do: He called

for a tow truck on the engine's radio.

The problem was, the intoxicated Gipson-Reynolds had just stolen the fire

truck, crashing through the fire station door, to try to push his car out of

the same mud.

Instead of a tow truck, dispatchers sent the California Highway Patrol to

lock him up.

"I could probably get on that show, 'World's Dumbest Criminals,' " a

chastened and sober Gipson-Reynolds, 36, said Saturday from his Santa Rosa

home after bailing out of the Sonoma County jail on charges of vehicle theft

and drunken driving. "I was pretty intoxicated at the time. My thinking was

not the best."

Gipson-Reynolds said he had been on a two-day drinking binge following a

fight with his wife when the clutch of his 1983 Chevrolet gave out. He ended

up stuck in the mud on Cavedale Road, a windy, one-lane street about eight

miles from Glen Ellen on the ridge between Sonoma and Napa counties.

According to Gipson-Reynolds and the CHP, he broke into the nearby Mayacamas

Volunteer Fire Station looking for a phone.

"It wasn't wide open but the garage door was not very secure," he said.

When he couldn't find a phone, he took the truck -- described as a small,

four-wheel drive with ladders, water and first-aid equipment -- and drove

straight through the station door. Gipson-Reynolds said he thought he could

free his car, then drive the fire truck to a pay phone to call a tow truck.

"Unfortunately, I drove the fire truck off the road about 20 feet from my

car," he said.

Two passers-by stopped and Gipson-Reynolds told them someone at the fire

station had loaned him the truck.

When police and firefighters arrived, they found Gipson-Reynolds' car full

of beer bottles and Narcotics Anonymous pamphlets.

"I've been in the fire service 43 years. This is the first time I've ever

heard of anything like this," said Mayacamas Fire Chief Gene Reed.

Despite damage to the fire station and the truck, Reed said he's just glad

nobody was hurt.

"I'm not too angry. I'm more amused," he said.

As for Gipson-Reynolds, he said a night in the drunk tank is enough to

convince him he needs to get help.

"If you think you might have a problem with drinking and drugs," he said,

"you should seek recovery before you hit the point of no return."

Okay...so he wasn't a member, but heck...it's funny anyways.....